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Name: Yin Bin Hao FabianBirthday: 9th November 1988 Horoscope: Scorpio Currently serving national service Previously from Temasek Polytechnic Logistics and Operations Management Tagboard
You know you love me, too.
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When everything just falls onto me..
Thursday, March 07, 2013
Well here am I blogging before heading for my Taiwan trip in like half an hours time. Really feeling damn shitting due to loads of reasons..1) Taiwan Trip. This trip was really shitty when the person who initiates the trip pulled out last minute giving some lame excuse of back pain when the trip is 3 weeks away. Yet that person goes to bali on the same travel date. Spending valentines day doing this kind of shit was really shit. Never mind if there isn't anyone to spend that day with me. But entertaining such nonsense is really a killer. What's more I planned the entire trip? Put in the most effort coordinating the trip? Then there was so many uncertainties coming to the trip. Travelling with people whom I am not familiar with. And having earthquake reports today at Hualien which I am travelling to. I even booked tours travelling to its East Coast (place of earthquake) and Taroko Gorge where rocks may fall down anytime. 2) Work Work has been really shitty these days. Been doing daily overtimes and all. Went to work early to clear my work too. Imagine working till 730pm when you need to reach the airport at 1030pm. I have yet to finish packing and didn't even have time to discuss with my travel mates regarding the earthquake. Should we go ahead or postpone the trip and how breakfast became dinner. 3) Tweety bird I guess this was the main bulk of my concerns. I know I tried to ignore her but somehow I totally can't when she's here talking to me although not often. Yesterday was her birthday and I ordered flowers to her office. 24 roses in fact 21 red and 3 pink ones. There's meaning behind the 24 roses which she didn't even took photo of the roses when I requested so many times for it. Neither was the card which I will never have the chance to see. Mind you the roses was in the 3 digits. It's really not about the money when the person who receives it was really happy to receive them. Was so worried that the roses was in the wrong hands as she was out of office and it was left at reception for hours. Did all the ordering and checking out even with my busy schedule. Saw how some ladies who are even contented with a dozen small roses. Although I do not expect her to post the photos at least bring them out when I have dinner with you? I ended work at 715pm and waited for her till 830pm when she ended work. I didn't rush her and was willing to wait just to make sure she doesn't work the entire day during her birthday. Never mind that for most of the day she was feeling sulky from work and didn't talk to me much. Never mind on how I was treated as usual. I was even prepared to buy dinner for her and go off so that she could continue her work. Just a simple wish that she will enjoy this little day of hers in the mist of her really busy schedule. Just wanting to show that someone is protecting her when someone bullies her from work. Just wanting to bring joy to her in the office when her colleagues go woo and ahh being happy for her. It was never about the monetary value but always about the thought of giving her the best and putting in my best effort making sure that she's happy. Being there for her when she needed someone the most. Just quietly sitting or standing there would also suffice. Was really happy that she spent her birthday dinner with me. Although I regretted not confessing. I really want that day to be full of nice memories to the end of the day although the most of the day was shitty for her. Is it wrong to really love someone that much? Are you so ashamed of me that you don't want to take photos with me or even bringing the flowers out? Although I have no looks and no ability, what's all that I have left is just the loyal heart waiting for you for the past 2 and a half years. Over the years I have lost the feeling of being loved by someone. Having someone thinking of me and waking me up for stuffs. All I need is some simple care and concern from the person I love the most and being there for me when my world is crumbling. I understand that it's dumb to chat when we're working. But simple small talks during lunch periods and free times will really boost a person's morale. I am really really really tired from this. Am I really so insignificant to you? I don't need to be thank but I yearn to be loved. That's all I need and all I want. Forget about me wanting some lady who likes to take photos. Forget about having someone who messages me really often. Forget about having someone cooking for me. Forget about someone listening to me and giving me a hug when I needed it the most. I have forgotten about myself and who I used to be. All I know is to hang on for dear life till god knows when? Will we really be together? Or will we be parallel lines never meeting each other. I am just really lost and cannot find my bearings. I want to cry so much. I need a hug. I need someone who I can rely on. If I ever die from this trip please let her read my blog. Help me paste the link to her and hope that she realizes how much I really like her. I am willing to make her complete by being incomplete myself. I am willing to do everything in my power just to see her smile. I do cherish all my time I spent with her. But sadly to say she'll never know how I really felt. ='"( |
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